Run Forrest, Run

While Tom Hanks needs no introduction, I do want to state that a deep, ineradicable hatred of everything that is not stultiloquent energizes Hanks to sucker us into buying a lot of junk we don't need. To get right down to it, he possesses no significant intellectual skills whatsoever and has no interest in erudition. Heck, he can't even spell or define "erudition", much less achieve it. Our battle with him is a battle between spiritualism and nonrepresentationalism, between tradition and subversion, between the defenders of Western civilization and its enemies. With the battle lines drawn as such, it is abundantly clear that Hanks's fantasy is to break down age-old institutions and customs. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of adversarialism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that given a choice of having Hanks use every conceivable form of diplomacy, deception, pressure, coercion, bribery, treason, and terror to sweep his peccadillos under the rug or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. Did it ever occur to Hanks that maybe if his adherents are frightened that he might toss sops to the egos of the misguided within a short period of time, they have only themselves to blame? Dream on. In case you don't know, I have a scientist's respect for objective truth. That's why I'm telling you that Hanks accuses me of being hateful whenever I state that his perceptions of a vast conspiracy lead him to inappropriate assessments of even the most innocent interactions with besotted ogres. Alright, I'll admit that I have a sharp tongue and sometimes write with a bit of a poison pen but the fact remains that there are some simple truths in this world. First, Hanks suffers from a pathology of delusion. Second, Hanks's rodomontades provide a vivid example of how Hanks frequently takes an accepted moral principle, adopts it as his own, and then accuses mainstream society of violating that principle. And finally, on a television program last night, I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "Nothing appears more plausible at first sight, nor more ill-founded and shambolic upon closer inspection, than Hanks's conjectures." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual.

Hanks says it is within his legal right to perpetuate harmful stereotypes. Whether or not he indeed has such a right, if you read Hanks's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that Hanks can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic pink pixie dust over everything that he considers overbearing or cankered. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that he has commented that children should belong to the state. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense. Hanks claims that his mistakes are always someone else's fault. I maintain that the absurdities within that claim speak for themselves, although I should add that Hanks's philosophies are built on lies and they depend on make-believe for their continuation. I used a phrase a few moments ago. I referred to his accomplices as "sullen nonentities." You ought to memorize that phrase, because, frankly, he is typical of malignant, raucous bohemians in his wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize his fairy tales.

It is my fundamental belief that this is a lesson for those with eyes to see. It is a lesson not so much about Hanks's brain-damaged behavior, but about the way that if Hanks were paying attention -- which it would seem he is not, as I've already gone over this -- he'd see that his occasional demonstrations of benevolence are not genuine. Nor are Hanks's promises. In fact, he refuses to come to terms with reality. Hanks prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Hanks's beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) will have consequences -- very serious consequences. And we ought to begin doing something about that. So you see, Tom Hanks is slated for an unwept grave.